Wednesday, July 23, 2008

No Longer a Milk Mama

I've been a Milk Mama since 2/19/07. I started pumping on the day my twins were born. I pumped for the 3 months they were in the NICU and started breast feeding them both the last 2 weeks of their hospital stay. I continued to pump and nurse once they were home. I was somewhat relieved that they had to be supplemented on Enfacare 2 times a day because I just wasn't convinced I had enough milk for both babies. I continued to pump and give them bottles, nurse and give formula (alternating of course) until August. We had to make a trip to Detroit for one of Tate's eye surgeries. The 8 hour trip took us 12 hours. TBD bought an adaptor so I could use my pump in the car. Yes that would be me ~ driving down the highway pumping away. Once we got to the hotel at 2am (we had to be at the hospital at 6a), I pumped for the very last time. I said, "That's it!" and it was.

I then started nursing and giving Enfacare (still twice a day) and that lasted until February. Once the twins turned a year old, I was able to stop the Enfacare. I freaked! So, I started giving them Lipil 2 times a day instead. Tate was the first to lose interest in nursing so I increased his Lipil to 3 times a day in March. They both always nursed first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Reese would nurse several times throughout the day but not for very long.

In May, Tate stopped nursing at night and only nursed in the morning. Reese still nursed at least 3 times a day. In June, Reese only wanted to nurse in the morning and only sometimes at night. They started drinking whole milk the latter part of June and both love it.

I'm so sad to say that Tate stopped nursing completely the last week in June and I can't even remember the day...or the last time for that matter. Now if you know me...I ALWAYS write stuff down. I've had a diary/journal since I was in the 7th grade and I faithfully write in it daily. I've looked through my journal and realized that I didn't even write about it. I guess there's been so much going on lately and have had other things on my mind. At least that's what I've been telling myself because I just can't believe it didn't write it down!

I noticed a few weeks ago that Reese has been less than enthused to nurse in the morning. Now this does make me very sad.. Again, if you know me - you'd never know I was feeling this way. I know so many women enjoy nursing so much (you know who you are!). But for me, I liked it and did love it sometimes, but didn't have that crazy nursing feeling I was expecting to have.
Back to Reese - she started only nursing every few mornings. Then I noticed it was twice a week. Last Saturday about 5am ish, Reese woke up and I was listening to her cry. I thought to myself she'll go back to sleep. Then I remembered that it was her 17 month bday (7/19) and decided to get my girl out of her bed and nurse her for the very last time. She was so happy to see me and she nursed for over 45 minutes while sleeping. I knew that it would be the last time I'd ever nurse a baby.

I'm happy that I remember every little detail about it (and yes, I wrote about it in my journal), but I'm also a lot sadder than I expected. We went to Happy Mommy's house that day for Bo and Daisy's party. I told HM about my morning and could hardly get it out - I started crying and got very upset. I totally didn't expect the emotions I was having . My husband will read this and go "What? I didn't know this." It's not something that I wanted to share until now.

That's all for now. I have to figure out what I'm going to post for tomorrow's SFMTY. Where's the Kleenex?

6 comments: said...

I stopped nursing my baby last week. I too wasn't overly attached to nursing, but knew with my baby it was going to be harder. I could tell for the past few weeks she didn't need it. She was drinking milk from her sippy cup quite well and I was nursing her in the morning but not sure what she was getting from it. I was afraid I would get emotional so just did it retroactively. One morning just didn't nurse her, had hubby give her a cup... a few days later said, ok we are done. I am glad you had such a beautiful last nursing. I am grateful I was able to nurse my baby girl for a year. I am glad I was able to provide for her and bond with her in that way. I too am sad she is grown up... not my babe anymore. Pass the tissues!

Muthering Heights said...

Awwww, it's so sad when nursing comes to an end. I couldn't nurse either of my babies past four months, and it killed me both times. :( So I'm feelin' your pain, and I hope you feel better soon!

Kim N said...

I just came across your blog and this post and it brought tears to my eyes. I had my fourth and last baby last November and he has been the hardest to nurse. He has been a biter and jaw clencher since day one and it has been painful most of the time. I have also had to supplement since he was born. Family and friends (not my husband, he knows better!) have asked me why I continue to nurse and I don't even know how to explain it. I need that time and bonding and I can't even think about stopping anytime soon. I know it will be a very emotional time when I nurse for the last time.

Sorry for the long comment. You have a beautiful family.

Amy said...

I know it must be hard. I only got to nurse Madi a few days. She would cry and cry because for whatever reason my milk came in and then stopped. By the time it came back she couldn't latch on and had gotten used to the bottle. It was absolutely heartbreaking for us both. Only another mom can understand these things. I guess we have to be thankful for the memory of it.

Stacy said...

It is sad... Katie was our last baby and it just about killed me to wean her. Then Holly was our last baby and I held on to that closeness for as long as I could. Then Grant was our last baby.....

It's hard to see them grow up, but SO rewarding to see them making progress with each little milestone.

Happy Mommy said...

I am one of those woman! I LOVE nursing! It was heart breaking for me to wean Daisy, although she was 2! The circumstances made it worse, that I had MRSA and had to stop. I am very thankful you had the opportunity to nurse your babies!